This “rant” has nothing to do with games, it’s just my depression.
My memory isn’t what it used to be – as far as I can tell, it’s gotten worse, but has its ups and downs as well.
This has been affecting me since early 2010 – at least this where I noticed it. At that time, my grandfather was sick and we couldn’t afford to treat him properly. Of course, he had the right medication and such but he required someone to be 24/7 around him. He could barely stand on his own, because his muscles were very weak. He also had some memory issues, related to his sickness – something close to Alzheimer’s but I can’t recall the name 😐
At that time, before we could take him to a nursing home, I took care of him for about two and half years – after my mother came back from work, she’d help, of course. We didn’t have the money to afford a wheelchair for him either, so I had to carry him all over the place. To his bedroom, to the kitchen, to the bathroom, to the living room and to the yard (if the weather allowed it, he also very sensitive to cold).
I had just gotten out of school and almost finished my 12th grade at the time – I failed at Mathmatics there, for some reason (I’ll get on this later or in the comments, if asked). There I was, 17 years old, taking care of my 80 years old grandfather. It took all of my energy and time, I can’t lie about that. It was both physically and mentally draining.
I don’t blame him, though – anyone can get sick and I understand that, I’m just letting out how I felt, even though I also felt like I should help since those who cared couldn’t and those who could didn’t care – family issues, anyone?
I’d bring him breakfast. Milk too cold. I heat it up just a little bit. Too hot. Let it get a bit cooler..too cold again. He’d scream in the middle of the night to get some water (even though I left water right next to him and told him countless times before he went to sleep). He’d call for me every 5 minutes throughout the day (and this isn’t an exaggeration). Sometimes he just wanted to talk but he was so lost he thought I was a childhood friend of his and that he was still in Brasil, about to come to Portugal.
Anyways… After about a year I noticed I didn’t remember much of the past year that I had been taking care of him. I could barely keep a conversation up with anyone – that includes my own brother and mother and my friends. I just disconnected from everything for a long while. I felt as if that time didn’t happen, but I knew (and still know) it did. The years 2010 to 2012 are a big blur to me. I can’t remember much from them, even if I still try.
Has anyone here gotten through something similar? If so, how did you deal with it? Like me, separating yourself from everything?
Brain Picture: used in an Essay about Memory Loss at school, don’t remember exactly where I got it – there are many duplicates in Google search.
I’m sorry I deviate from games quite a lot, but… This is all I felt like writing about.