State of Mind: Entertaining Others

Ever since I was in pre-school I was always the class clown – not every single year, but most of them.

I enjoy entertaining others. Always have. There’s something good about being one of the reasons that people are in a good mood!

This is something about me that hasn’t changed. But doing something entertaining while yourself being depressed it’s hard. Very hard.

A few years ago some Circus was on TV. I was never one to really like Circus much even though I respect and admire some people working in that area. After it was over, there was a team interviewing those who worked there – people who took care of the animals, contortionists, jugglers and…clowns. Yes, I’m going there. The main clown, let’s call him Major Clown – I think his stage name was similar to this, so why not? – was the funniest there, everyone in the Circus said so.

The TV crew interviewed him live, and after about a minute, a question popped:
Q: “Why did you choose to become a clown?”, his answer is still engraved in my memory (even though I have memory issues, depression related, more on that another day).
A: “Because I know what it’s like to not being able to laugh or enjoy something. Because I am depressed and I don’t want anyone else in the world to feel what I have felt.” …they (TV crew) then switched to another clown to enlighten the mood of the interview. And, to me, that was an awful move. Later I found out he had lost his wife to cancer and his son in a hit and run accident after he was coming home from school. Both things happened in a span of 6 months. I can’t imagine how torn apart he must have felt and still…he was able to go out there and make other people laugh and enjoy themselves. Even though I sadly can’t find more information on this subject, that man is one of my heroes.

I identify immensely with his reply. My situation is very very different from his, but we share that one feeling to make others happy and entertain them.

I’ve thought a lot about making something to entertain people on a larger scale but I never managed to be able to. I thought about making video series of games (like playing Civilization with a custom Civ. ruled by me; get a 3D model of my face and put it in my Skyrim character, etc – trying to innovate, somehow), streaming gameplay, videos about the lore of my favorite games, things like that. I want to entertain others – but I have to be honest; I wouldn’t be doing it just for them, I’d be doing it for myself as well.

I think every kid dreams of being able to “play video games and make money”. Video games here just happen to be what I’m good at. Some people are very good at reading political situations and videos about it, others are good at giving fashion advice – I’m good at games!

However, my laptop isn’t strong enough to run a game and record it, let alone stream it.
It even has problems running 2011’s Skyrim version (not the Special Edition) on Ultra Setting, with no mods on, and it’s been 6 years since it came out.

Depression is a strong enemy here. It’s a Boss – but it’s a boss I can battle head-to-head and come out on top in the end, I’m sure of it. It’s not depression stopping me from doing what I want to do. Sadly, it’s what makes this world turn in most cases: money.

Until I get a job that allows me to start this…it’s a dream postponed.


13 thoughts on “State of Mind: Entertaining Others

  1. I read an article about how every comedian has some tragedy in their background. You often make others laugh in hopes that by doing so you can laugh yourself. Doing things for yourself often translates into entertaining others, because something done with that motivation is usually the purest and best work. You tend to be your own worst critic, and if it’s something you love/enjoy, you’re going to put your all into it, and you might be surprised by how many people enjoy it, too. I’ve read so many bloggers who say they started blogging to have a place to just talk, and they were shocked by how many people liked what they had to say.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A very insightful quote goes like this: “The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.”

    That reminds me of the quite beautiful point Major Clown was trying to make. It’s a shame that wasn’t seen as fit for television.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I’ve read that somewhere before, honestly – but I’m not sure where. And I agree very much with that quote but I’m also aware it doesn’t apply to every single human being in those conditions (like, there are some lonely people who’re not kind at all, for example).

      He did get the point across – at least for me, he did. They probably just wanted a happy ending for the interview, I don’t know. What makes me even sadder now is that I can’t find the video of it anymore. I spend a good hour on YouTube today and got nothing. Maybe it was removed, I don’t know.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s unfortunate to me that they didn’t focus more on the guy you were speaking about. There’ s a good, heartfelt message in that. To give of yourself to make others happy, even if you aren’t, is kinda a big deal.

    I’ve never had a super strong computer personally, and I’ve generally been comfortable with console gaming. I generally get the majority of my screenshots and videos from Xbox One and PS4 gameplay, so it makes it a little easier. Regardless, this is why I focus primarily on screenshots instead of video, despite the fact that not streaming or making gameplay videos puts me at a little bit of a disadvantage, engagement-wise.

    You being on WordPress to write about games and doing pieces on different topics is a step in the right direction at least. Do what you can with what you have, and the rest will come later.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I wanted to link a video for it (would be in portuguese though) but I can’t even find that now. It is a big deal, specially in his case.

      I never had a super strong one either, but one day, I wan to. I also enjoy gaming on consoles a lot (NES was great growing up, Dreamcast too. I never had a Playstation or X-box. And later got a Wii, which still stands and has some of my all-time favorite games); but for me computer gaming is much better – I feel like I have more freedom, I can’t exactly explain it. But, to each his own. Everyone likes something different for different reasons, so I respect that!

      I see what you mean about the disadvantage. Honestly, from what I’ve read from you, you do a good job. If I can get to that level one day, I’ll be happy.

      Writing is a step forward, we agree – not only into that dream of mine but also in fighting what I feel everyday. I started this for myself but I can “easily” get this out to help others, too.

      I’m trying to follow that advice: doing what I can with what I have. My whole life has been like it, pretty much. Sometimes I can’t help it but dream about a very powerful computer or being able to write a decent story (I’ll get there, someday!).

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve found myself to be rather fortunate that I’ve been able to spend time on this and have been able to afford the games and equipment I have. I mostly write on my 5 year old desktop, and we were able to buy a decent gaming laptop in 2015. I mostly like gaming on my console though because I have a comfy chair with a footstool, and I’m too lazy to sit up (and my wife commandeered the laptop for her own purposes).

        Took a hit to pay in 2015 though since I’ve gone back to college, but it should pay off in the end.

        I’m flattered that you think I’m doing something right, and with that in mind, if you ever want to pick my brain about something, feel free to do so. Just message me on here or email me if you’d like. I’d be happy to help in any way.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I haven’t purchased a game in a long while – except for Diablo III last year; managed to get base game + expansion at half-price (10€ each) – but it’s fine, I like the games I have and there are some good Free to Play ones out there.

        For writing, I can write just about anywhere – except my phone. It’s old and crashes a lot. It’s a NotSoDumbPhone, not a SmartPhone.

        2015 gaming laptop should still be able to run everything smoothly nowadays. Unless you set everything to max settings and mod the game, adding tons of content. It probably will pay off – a laptop is very very useful. I had to get mine for my course, otherwise I would’ve gotten a desktop, sort of saved my life, so to speak. Without it I wouldn’t have made it in my course, since it’s IT.

        I still have some issues when it comes to start a conversation with someone (even I know that person for years) or just commenting on something overall. I will try to do so and thank you, in advance, for that 🙂 But rest assured, if I “like” something you wrote it’s because I read it (or I’m finishing doing so) – I don’t just click it to say “Hey, I saw that” it’s genuinely because I liked it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Our laptop is a Sager with an i7-4710 processor and a GTX 960M graphics card. It can still handle some heavy lifting. It’s just wresting it from my wife’s grip that proves difficult :). We got a laptop for school, but I convinced her to let me pick it.

        Affording games is sometimes a pain, but life finds a way. I actually have written a couple posts about that last year.

        I do genuinely appreciate your input with my stuff. It makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to see people liking things I write; even more so when people like you actually like it instead of basically just acknowledging that you saw it. Thank you! No rush either on keeping in touch by the way. Just do things in your own time 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yup, that laptop is more powerful than mine! I can play a lot of stuff on this still – just not on high settings, usually it’s Medium-High, which is fine.
        It is indeed, that’s why I almost never buy them on release and wait til the price goes down a bit (or a lot, like an 80% discount or something. Gotta love Steam, sometimes!).
        It’s really good to know when someone appreciates what you do, so if I do like something someone made, I usually take some effort on letting them know (but again: I’m a bit awkward (or weird) at starting a conversation or just even mentioning something, sometimes) 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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